Thick-skinned

15 October 2012

Hazel and I just had our consultation with the Queen of Arki today (our awesome adviser happens to be the awesome Dean). I was so freaking nervous because Dean is always busy and we always have to rush things. Somehow, that scares me more. Important people intimidate me.

Anyway, we had a very short session, wherein she filled me in with all the things I've done wrong. She played devil's advocate and asked me questions I couldn't answer well. I should've brought my program with me, because I kept forgetting the numbers and my reasoning was very flawed. 

But I learned a lot. The things she made me realize were so important. I was having "oo nga noh" and "ugh, sobrang tanga ko talaga" moments. But afterwards, I was surprised that I felt okay with it.

My first year self would probably crack under the pressure and cry (like what I did in a certain org interview, /wrist), but now I know that the teachers are there to help us. They're not insulting us or the things we submit to them. Rather than stating the obvious, the Dean asked me a lot of questions that made me realize my mistakes. It was indeed an eye-opener. Now I know how much I should rethink, and how much work I still have to do. 

Now I know how totally unprepared I am to graduate.

I have accepted the fact that I probably won't have a relaxing sembreak anymore. I need to get back to my program and fix things (like my inefficient road system and my FAR and building heights). Sure, I will still hang out with my neglected non-arki friends and walk my dog more and paint some, but I need to rethink so many things.

I hope that going home will help me relax. I still haven't mastered how to swim in a pool of stress yet. I'm trying to emulate my father, who works crazy hours yet still manages to be the most chill person I know. I hope that seeing him and my mother can put me in the right spot.