Dear Twenty-Two

Dear Twenty-two,

This letter is late. 

I was supposed to write and send you this letter last May 7, the day of your birth. But I think you know why I couldn't write you a letter.

But in the end, you have arrived. And we are all thankful.

Yes. Thankful. You've learned a lot about being thankful. You have learned how to count your blessings and use those to your advantages. You have learned to fight tooth and nail for your goals. You have learned that hard work and perseverance can take you very far; and the laziness will get you nowhere.

Above all, you have learned how to accept.

You started, endured, and finished your Thesis project under the advise of one of the most brutally honest teachers you've ever had. There were a lot of times when you felt like a failure, and you didn't know what to do. There were times when you felt like you will never be good enough, that design will never be your forte, and that you would fail your client, adviser, and self. 

After five years in UP and one year in post-op hibernation, you have finally graduated from beloved UP.

You applied for an exchange program under AIESEC, not knowing what would happen, not really expecting much. After some interviews and a few emails, you got into a job that sounded like fun. You will be teaching kids about the Filipino culture... in Hungary. 

You were actually supposed to emerge in Hungary. The project should have started on May 5. But delays due to technical and distance problems emerged, and you thought you couldn't go at all. If not for the kindness and grace of the Belgian embassy in Manila (THANK YOU!!!), your family, and your hosts abroad, the trip would not have been possible.

So you are going to Hungary on Monday. You are going to Europe for the first time, and you are going alone.

You, Twenty-two, have entered the world at a point of personal uncertainty. I understand that this year is going to be restless. I just hope you do not forget about me.

I hope you have a great time during your existence, Twenty-two. You went off on a rocky start, but there are exciting things up ahead. I cannot promise you that nothing bad will happen.

But whatever happens, your life will not be boring.

Love from,

Twenty-one

Relief (feel) good

I don't really understand the act of posting pictures of yourself helping out.

I'm not against relief efforts. They are necessary regardless of the country's development, regardless of the type and scale of disaster.

I am also not against posting of pictures that show the relief efforts being done. It increases the nation's morale, boosts the people's pride in their countrymen, and shows donors that their donations are being put to good use. And of course there's the fact that participating in these activities is not easy and takes a lot of energy, so people who do this deserve the credit.

What I'm against is the posting of these pictures for the wrong reasons.

And I may be judged for being a hypocrite, because I haven't attended or participated in any relief effort... yet (that sleep thing in my other post, I admit that's an excuse). But I am bothered by the images online of people posing with the goods they have packed, TV stations showing off their celebrity talents helping out, and people writing about how it "feels good" to be spending their time helping out instead of "studying for that exam" or "doing this project" or "doing other things". That space in the internet may be used for other things like telling people how they can help (there can never be too much of those), or suggestions to permanently mitigate floods like what Paolo Alcazaren does on his facebook.

I feel as if these pictures are just a pat in the back for some people and advertising for others. It may sound harsh and ungrateful, but I don't need to know that you were there for twelve hours helping, or that your muscles ache because you hauled off too much stuff, or that you skipped a class or ditched your studies just to help others. It sounds like the universe better appreciate what you're doing because you're making such a huge sacrifice.

Well there are people out there who are making bigger sacrifices like the coast guard and the military who are risking their safety and scooping people up from the water, like the people in charge of the chaotic evacuation centers who are there 24/7, like the people who take the responsibility of coming up with recovery plans (if there are such people), etc.

I am not trying to say that your help is unwanted. Help is help. But for me, your help shown off by yourself decreases its value.

Am I wrong to feel like this? Am I the only one feeling like this? If I am, please feel free to tell me.

Honestly, writing this makes me guilty and irritated at the same time.

Haggling and Confidence.

Yesterday, I went to Hidalgo to get my borrowed lens fixed. I took a yaya with me, which is hypocritical because I often scold people who can't commute alone.

Anyway, I took Ate A. with me because she can haggle like a pro, and I am crap at haggling. You'd think that coming from a third world country, where every peso counts, I'd have learned how to haggle by now.

So we went to the first repair stall we could find and gasp! 1800 Pesos! I had it reduced to Php1500 because it was all I brought with me (I am seriously broke nowadays) and Hidalgo only transacts with cash. Manong said that he'd assess the damage first, and we'd have to return in the afternoon.

After we left the stall, Ate A. told me that I shouldn't have accepted the amount, and I should have gone to other stalls to canvass. She's right. I should have. Perhaps the excitement of haggling off 300 pesos got me accepting the deal.

I left Ate A. in Quiapo so that I could meet Papa for lunch. I gave her the receipt and the money.

A few hours later, she called me to say that the damage was more than Manong anticipated, and the price would need to rise to 2000 Pesos.

I wanted to throw a tantrum. It's not that I can't afford 2k. It's just that I'm taking money off my savings. I already got past my limit. Fortunately, the amazing Ate A. told me not to worry.

Once I got home, Ate A. was already there. She told me that the price remained at 1500 pesos, and she would be the one to go back to Hidalgo to get the lens and pay for it.

How did she do it? She whipped up some drama about me breaking the lens by accident (true) and having to pay for it using all of my savings (not true); about me coming from Mindanao(true), not knowing about the ways of the city (not true) blablabla.

Eventually, Manong took pity and agreed on 1.5k.

I wish that someday, I would gain enough confidence to haggle like Ate A. does. I'm a non-confrontational person (meaning I'm too nice), and I get uncomfortable when it comes to money. As with the Hidalgo incident, I don't mind paying more money than necessary. I guess that living in a place where poverty is rampant has made me think that my money can be of better use in other people's hands; so I do things like paying the regular fare instead of the student fare in jeepneys, giving loans to people whom I know can't pay it back, etc.

But that's wrong.

Everyone in Quiapo bargains, and I shouldn't feel uncomfortable doing it no matter how outrageous the price cut is. I should peg Nora Aunor or Vilma Santos and cry in front of Manong to reduce 2000 pesos in half.

I'm not earning now, but my parents are doing a good job of telling me the difference between the things they are willing to spend on (needs) and the things they don't think I need (wants). I save my money to accommodate my wants (like my camera and my iPod). And since I don't have a credit card, my savings is also my emergency money. The bottom line is my savings consists of my own money and it is there through my own effort. I shouldn't feel guilty if I turn down requests for loans if I know the loaner cannot pay. I should pay the student fare as long as I am a student. I should haggle like crazy to get a bargain.

I am graduating soon, and I don't want to be too dependent on my family. I would have to make financial choices, go on business ventures, and scrimp a lot just to get the things I want. I should be practicing on how to be frugal without being greedy, how to be smart about investing (blue chips vs. pennies), and how to get rid of the guilt I feel whenever I buy something expensive knowing that other people are starving.