I spent most of my morning cleaning up this porcelain doll. She was given to my sister by a relative from abroad when I was seven years old. The doll spent most of its time with us inside its plastic packaging (if you're a traditional Filipino, you'll understand why).
Then in high school, I took her out of her packaging and placed her in my room, on top of my shelf, where her glassy eyes can watch over me as I sleep. I know it sounds creepy, but I placed her there to cure her of my fear of dolls and any life-like object.
It's not that she's scary. She's a pretty cute doll. But I have to admit there were times when I trick my eyes into believing that her gaze is following me as I move inside the room.
Anyway, I cleaned her up (a lizard actually had the audacity to lay its eggs on the teddy bear) and we had a small photoshoot outside the house.
Authentic porcelain.
I kept on imagining her to move through the grass as I was taking her picture. I scare myself a lot.
I like to think that she has cured me of my fear of dolls, but not completely. Even now, I still haven't named her, because she might come alive once I do (like Chuckie).
I just put her in front of doors to freak people out.
I cannot explain my love for Big Bang. You can take away all the other K-pop groups, but leave Big Bang and I will be happy.
Some of my "hipster" friends can't understand why I like K-pop, and why I am willing to pay 3k to go to a concert featuring five weirdos who sing songs I can't understand.
But Big Bang is different! You can take away any other K-pop artist away and leave Big Bang alone and I'll be fine. They are over the top, creative, colorful, original, and they have what Filipinos call dating or angas. They have the sort of swag that comes naturally to them. While other boy groups need to don similar costumes and not-so-complicated choreography to assert their star power, Big Bang's members can stand on their own as solo artists, and they can meld together to form a mismatched group that works.
The R&B artist, Taeyang: Wedding Dress
The androgynous songwriter and fashionista: G-Dragon: Crayon
The funny and amiable Daesung: Wings (I don't know why this doesn't have an MV yet)
Maknae Seungri: Strong Baby
The deep-voiced rapper and the Filipinos' favorite, T.O.P.: Turn it up.
The photos I took were taken via point and shoot (stupid SM rules), which was disappointing because the girl behind me managed to sneak in her DSLR.
But it was ok, because I wasn't there to take pictures. I was there to PARTY!!!
Unfortunately for us stragglers, it was raining
while waiting in line
We missed half of the opening act due to lateness (and the lines! Ugh!). We were running to the box when we heard them singing Alive from outside. It was torture. My brother proclaimed that his rushing song is now "Alive", because he has never run so fast in his life.
But all was well and we caught up with the show.
Whoooooooo!!!
We didn't buy the official VIP fanlights (even though I really really wanted one) because they cost 1200Php and we didn't have money left. Ah, sembreak.
Daia and I at the Upper Box C
Segways and bikes.
Fanboy Topy
Taeyang, Daesung, and Seungri
GD and TOP
The arena was jampacked with VIPs
I didn't know some of their early songs. I wasn't into K-pop yet at that time. In fact, some of the first songs that got me into the K-pop fandom come from Big Bang.
They were still very totoy then. They weren't as polished or as mature, but they were already charismatic. YG took good care of them, I think.
Anyway, back to the concert...
With siblings. Ate Cathy wasn't supposed to be there (she had an exam the next day).
This girl in front of us recorded the entire show on her iPad. I don't understand why a lot of people do this. You see them through the screen all the time, why not forego the screen once you see them live?
The lights were astounding.
They sang "Cafe". Their falsettos are all impressive, and Daesung killed it with his solo parts.
Yes, GD is wearing a skirt.
Everyone SCREAMS when TOP comes out.
Their three vocalists also sang their solos. GD and TOP had their own rap performances.
Taeyang's Wedding Dress
Daesung's "Wings"
TOP wearing a bunny ear headband thrown by a fan.
I can say that this has been the most fun I've had in a while. I'd like to thank Big Bang and their team and all the people who made this possible. My 3k was so much worth it.
We started receiving funny messages from co-fans.
"Nabuntis at nanganak ako nang ilang beses."
"TOP: uhmmm.... Audience: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Since a lot of the lyrics were in Hanggeul, we sang along like:
*mumble mumble* Baby... *mumble mumble* Cause you should be my lady!! *mumble mumble*
In the end, it doesn't matter even if I can't understand or even sing their songs. Seeing them live just makes me tingle all over. I remember clutching my cousin by the arm and just screaming how happy I was that I was there. I was with the group whose voices accompanied me during jeepney rides, kept me up while making plates late at night, made me want to dance alone in my bedroom, and uplifted my mood through college.
I promised myself I would try out using watercolors this sembreak. I wanted to take a break from acrylics and color pencils and try something new for a change.
But alas, I totally suck at watercolors. The tutorials I looked at made sense while I was watching/reading them, but watercolor is a different monster when tried out. It's hard to control and mix. I need more practice (and more patience) if I want to make a decent painting.
In the end, I ended up making these. I was inspired by these Notes to Selfposts, and I wanted to make something "successful" at least.
This is a reminder to myself for thesis... and life in general.
The piece below is a line from the novel Para kay B, by screenwriter and author, Ricky Lee. It's the first contemporary Filipino novel I've ever bought. The line refers to the feeling of one of the heroines. She was a mother who had just discovered --- and accepted--- that she had feelings for another woman.
I'd like to experience that feeling someday... not the falling in love with a woman part, but the part that makes you feel like you've been set free, yet you'll never get lost.
The last one is something I like to tell myself whenever I have problems: that I should be resilient.
I will make more of these. I'm tempted to use all my watercolor things just for these handmade typography instead of practicing techniques and making actual paintings. But oh well.
Sembreak has finally arrived and I want to relax before embarking on my schematics.
I was browsing my hard drive for some past pictures to create another batch of digital exposures (for shits and giggles), and I found these babies.
Notes and drawings from a small food stall along the Chao Phraya
I always bring a notebook with me. Before I discovered the Flexy notebooks, I opted for any notebook with blank sheets.
I had this little one back in 2009. I didn't know what to do when I filled it, since journals and blank pages were not as popular a few years ago. Thankfully, I got less picky and started using lined notebooks.
The Lady of the Clouds is an short story I wrote, and I included illustrations. Looking back, I realize how much free time I had back then. I also had a lot of brainfarts. And now I want all those back.
The Lady of the Clouds
The notebook is also filled with random doodles.
I was visualizing the Philippine map while writing the provincial capitals by memory. It was required for Kas 1.
I also had a lot of drawings of places I imagined, and places I've been to.
After seeing this, I compared it to my present notebook. It has less drawings, and no drawings of places at all. Not a single sketch of anything spatial, except for schematic doodles, which don't really count.
I admit I'm out of practice. I don't know whether it's possible to just "forget" how to draw, but this is a skill given by God, and I have to improve it, no matter how out of practice I am, and how bad my present drawings are.
